ABC for couples: the words to keep love strong in a relationship

According to the neuroscientist Andrew Newberg and the communication expert Mark Robert Waldman, the way we speak has an impact on our body. Talking slowly, for example, lowers the blood pressure and relieve muscle tension. Limiting your speech up to thirty seconds in a dialogue, letting the other person speak in return, increases the possibility she will listen to you and decreases the risks to be misunderstood.

Of course any couple has a fight every now and then. Apparently too much of that contributes to cardiovascular diseases, since it increases the blood pressure and the levels of cortisol, the hormone responsible of stress. So how can we deal with quarrels?

First of all, it can be good to empower your self-esteem. When you are really centered and strong in your positions, you are also flexible: you don’t have to fight to affirm yourself, on the contrary you can better manage your emotions and keep the tone of voice down, so that the other person will listen to you. Newberg and Waldman say that the communication itself has an impact, promoting your leadership skills.

As for emotions, how to manage? Scott Berkun, American public speaker, counts on his body to win the fear of speaking in front of a crowd: he has confessed that he goes to the gym very early in the morning so that he releases any excess of nervous energy before he has to give a speech. How about letting all that go with a daily routine? More well being, less tension, ergo… less fights!

Yoga also offers a great alternative to teach your nervous system to be responsive. Breathing techniques help to focus and keep calm: imagine how useful is that, especially when you are challenged by your partner in your everyday life! Yogi Bhajan, master of kundalini yoga, said that ‘words are a chance to communicate, not to fight’. He taught a few key sentences for married couples to use in case of fighting: ‘I’m sorry’, ‘You’re right’, ‘it is the will of God’. Using these magic words doesn’t show submission, but rather ability to heal the conflicts.